The Beautiful Qualities Of Self In IFS Therapy
All parts are welcome and important in INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS - yet the most transformative part of the model is something else.
The 8 Cs and 5 Ps of Self in the Internal Family Systems Model (C) Lucy Orton Therapy 2024
Clients love getting to know, understand and heal their parts. Parts are at the centre of the Internal Family Systems approach and experience and all parts are welcome.
And yet, there is something else extremely beautiful with in the model, and inside all of us, which is NOT a part.
BUT IFS IS ABOUT more than parts
One of the elements that makes Internal Family Systems (IFS) unique in the world of psychotherapeutic modalities (and why so many clients and therapists alike are drawn to it) is the incredible role played by Self in our systems, our healing and our ongoing thriving.
What is Self?
Self is what remains when we don’t operate from parts. The IFS model posits that Self has always been in us and can be returned to, no matter what we have faced in our lives. It doesn’t need to develop or change and it can’t get damaged. While parts absolutely can become extreme and overwhelmed, activated or reactive, Self remains the true leader of our systems.
Self can be used to describe the state in which we are all able to drop into at certain times in our lives or in the day-to-day. The example I use is when we find ourselves lying on the grass staring at the sky on a warm summer’s day, without an agenda or to-do list; we are noticing the world around us, we feel at peace and in our ‘best selves’.
In terms of therapy, during an IFS session, clients can be guided by their therapist harness and move into this state. This involves noticing and unblending from any parts that are activated in that moment in time.
Why is Self Energy key in Internal Family Systems?
Building self energy is where we are able, through IFS work and healing, to access Self more easily. When we are able to act from our core, essence or true self and not be led by parts.
No-one can be fully in Self all the time, but growing an awareness of our own self-energy is very empowering, both in the therapy setting and in the wider world of work, relationships and life challenges.
The 8 Cs and 5 Ps of Self
The IFS model uses 13 key qualities of Self, most frequently referring to the 8 Cs:
Curiosity
Compassion
Courage
Connectedness
Creativity
Clarity
Confidence
Calm
Also highlighted in the IFS modality are the 5 Ps of:
Playfulness
Presence
Perspective
Persistence
Patience
It’s important to know that there are other qualities that exude Self and self energy and that this list is not exhaustive.
However for my clients this list and the image above serve as a wonderful reminder and blueprint for the IFS lifestyle, one that centres compassion and curiosity at its heart and which allows us to be with our systems with a caring, loving and accepting approach that is immensely healing and empowering.
Why Self-Energy Matters for High-Achievers
High-achievers, high-performers, leaders and founders are often the people most disconnected from their own Self-energy. This is not because they lack it, but because they've spent years operating from parts instead. The striving part. The perfectionist part. The part that equates worth with output.
The cruel irony is that the very drive that creates external success can also create profound internal disconnection - from feelings, from relationships, from any genuine sense of enoughness.
IFS work with high-achievers is some of the most transformative I do, precisely because the shift from parts-led living to Self-led living is so dramatic. Clients who have spent decades pushing, achieving and performing begin to access something they didn't know was available to them: a calm, grounded, compassionate core that doesn't need to prove anything.
This is the work. And it's available to you.
find out how to bring more self energy into your life
Self-energy is at the heart of everything I do with clients.
If you're ready to access yours, I work exclusively in an intensive format. This means I offer deep, focused IFS therapy intensives for high-achievers, founders and people who are ready to go further, deeper and faster than weekly therapy allows.
You can find out more about my IFS therapy intensives or arrange a free 20-minute consult to explore whether we're a good fit.
Lucy Orton IFS Therapist | Therapy Intensives Specialist
